PROFILE OF A VIRTUOUS PET OWNER

If, like me, you have from time-to-time attempted with patience and courtesy to correct the most cherished erroneous beliefs of the avid anti-hunter, you have been accused of all manner of crimes against the animal kingdom and common decency. 

It goes without saying you’ve been called 'cruel', of course, despite the fact that cruelty is a measure of intent rather than action, and you have doubtless copped the anti-hunters’ ultimate put-down, to wit, “You have no empathy!”

It is the claim that hunters lack empathy that I’d like to explore a little, or perhaps, more correctly, the associated inference that anti-hunters have a superior concept of empathy. 

But first, what is empathy? 

Empathy is defined as "psychological identification with, or vicarious experiencing of, the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another", in the case of hunting, another species. 

It may also be described as "the imaginative ascribing to an object e.g. a natural object or work of art, of feelings or attitudes present in oneself."

In a nutshell, it is about putting yourself in the shoes of another and imagining how you might feel in their place – the other’s place that is, not their shoes'.  

This may be all well and good when the ‘other’ is a member of the same species, however trying to imagine the fit of another species’ footwear is liable to result in little more than an emotionally speculative form of intellectual tinea. 

It requires a staggering level of arrogant superiority to presume humans are capable of accurately processing experience, without possessing even a rudimentary capacity to consult the subject of our empathy with regard to accuracy.

We might certainly extrapolate our responses to basic sensations such as heat, cold or even a broken limb, but when it comes to other species and responses of an emotional nature, all attempts to empathise are pure guesswork.

Worse, the emotional responses we choose to acknowledge, along with how we choose to interpret them, are invariably conveniently blinkered when it comes to those among us who claim to be empathetic adepts. 

Social media - especially Facebook - is the vehicle of choice for those seeking an opportunity to tell hunters just what detestable examples of inhumanity they are and more oft than not, the hunters’ assailant will lurk behind a profile picture displaying their much loved pooch or puss, as if to emphasise their superior empathy, compassion and general virtue.

But zealotry has degrees and little does the hunters’ critic realise there are hundreds of thousands of even more dedicated animal advocates who consider the virtuous pet owner to be no better than the very hunters they loathe.

The growing ranks of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), for instance, consider the ownership of pets to be a form of slavery and exploitation not far removed from hunting. 

And why not?

When viewed through the same prism of non-sequitur logic and perverse cynicism with which hunting’s opponents scrutinise, stereotype and condemn hunters, the compassionate pet owner doesn’t fare so well in the empathy and enlightenment stakes.

After all, what is pet ownership if not a declaration of superiority and subservience, master and slave? 

Oh sure, a pet owner may claim lightheartedly that s/he is owned by Rover, but the fact remains all pets, even those with few if any restrictions placed upon them by their human owners, are, nonetheless, owned. 

They are not free souls treated with equality. They are property, kept to fulfil some desire of the owner to adore or be adored by another living creature.

Turning my mind to pet ownership with the sort of imaginative malice so often exhibited by the ignorant yet highly opinionated anti-hunter, Bonzo’s and Mr Tinkle’s new “mummy” tends not to look so kindly and empathetic as they might wish to be perceived.

Take the case of Pam and Bella the Maltese Terrier for instance.

A puppy is torn away from her mother and her seven brothers and sisters at the moment she shows signs of weaning so’s to ensure she’ll develop the maximum level of dependency on her new human “mummy”, Pam. 

Thus deprived of her true family, this little 'orphan' cannot communicate the name given her by her birth mother and so she is renamed ‘Bella’, in accordance with Pam’s language, culture and personal preferences. 

Bella will be loved and cuddled, carried and fawned over as suits Pam’s emotional needs and busy schedule.  When Bella pees on the carpet, she will be chastised for her failure to immediately adopt human toiletry etiquette. 

Her belligerent refusal to master fluency of the English language at 6 weeks of age by going “wee-wees outside” will result in her being labelled “a bad girl!” in a harsh voice guaranteed to diminish self-esteem, frighten and confuse, thus nurturing the desired dependency.

Bella will be told where to sleep and when, and if missing her birth-family causes her to whimper in distress through the night, she will be chastised for not respecting the human predilection for absolute silence during long periods of darkness.

As she is now weaned (whether she likes it or not) Bella will be fed in accordance with human preferences and perceptions of what dog food should taste like e.g. Mince & Chicken with Rice, or perhaps Home-style Beef with Pasta and Vegies, or whatever else Pam thinks she should eat on any and every given day. 

This practice will continue for the rest of Bella’s life.

Despite the fact that it is completely alien for dogs to be either clean or smell fresh, Bella will need to be bathed regularly so Pam’s lounge doesn’t get dirty. This will be accomplished with a variety of shampoos and washes, all of which have perfumes pleasing to humans.

The fact that the K9 olfactory system may process the concept of ‘pleasant’ in a completely different manner is as irrelevant as the fact that to Bella, “sandalwood” will be shooting into her brain at roughly 400-times the potency Pam is able to detect, effectively sabotaging the main sense Bella relies on for important information about her world.

There will be visits to the vet for injections in order to ensure Bella neither disappoints Pam by dying of one of the many doggy maladies, nor costs her a fortune in vet bills should she fall seriously ill.

Desexing and micro-chipping will be next and no-doubt Bella will understand why her abdomen must be opened surgically, her ovaries and uterus exposed and a spay hook used to remove them, thus denying her the capacity to bear children or engage in fulfilling sexual congress for life. 

After all, if Pam thinks it best, who is Bella to object? She can hardly understand English, let alone speak a protest.

Home Bella will go, to begin her new life as a responsibly owned and compliant member of the K9 Stolen Generation. 

If she is lucky, Bella may have the run of the backyard and even the family home. Pam may attach Bella to three-metres of cord and take her for a daily walk along a trail Pam finds even and soothing to traverse and perhaps she’ll even permit Bella to stop and smell every fourth or fifth thing she actually wants to sniff.

After 45 minutes or so of something that's not quite liberty, Bella will be returned to the backyard of Pam’s inner-Melbourne terrace where she can laze in the sun all day long, alone, waiting for Pam’s return.

When Bella’s coat begins to look a wee bit unkempt, she can look forward to a trip to the Pet Parlour, where she will be trimmed-up in a style that Pam thinks positively adorable. If she looks cold afterward, Pam will put a little coat on Bella, which she will be forced to wear until Pam feels warm.

Bella will be forced to wear an irritating collar or two – one for her cheery little  message like, “My name is Bella. If I somehow manage to tunnel out of this hell, please return me against my will to Pam, at.....”, the other to control any parasites she might collect. 

Bella’s efforts to find a comfortable location and position in which to recline will be hampered by Pam’s preference to have her lay on the rug provided, here, there or anywhere other than where Bella would choose to lay. 

This will also be the case in the yard, where Bella’s efforts to dig a depression that affords her comfortable back support, like the digging she undertakes to keep her nails under control, will be viewed by Pam as belligerent acts of horticultural vandalism.

If Bella is really lucky, she may be able to master a variety of tricks, like begging, rolling over on command, or even walking and turning little doggy pirouettes on her hind legs in that special way that's guaranteed to lead to hip dysplasia and arthritic complaints in later life.    

Thanks to the marvels of modern veterinary science, Bella can look forward to this anthropomorphic existence for the next 20 years and as Pam will attest on Bella’s behalf, she will be as happy as the angels in their heaven, wanting for nothing, treated like a Queen!

Yet strangely, despite all the 'empathy', 'love' and 'respect' she has shown, if Pam neglects to close the side gate securely, the Queen will go on progress ‘round the neighbourhood in search of members of her own species to join in shared cultural practices, such as digging holes, rolling in dead things and eating traditional foods without peas, carrots or even the merest soupcon of scientifically formulated, targeted nutrition.

While I believe PETA’s animal liberation philosophy to be darkly messianic, I must admit I take some solace in the fact that for every Pam in the world who thinks I’m a monster, there is a vegan PETAphile who sees Pam as nothing less than a 21st Century combination of P.T. Barnum and Dr. Josef Mengele.

Or put another way,

Big fleas have little fleas,

Upon their backs to bite 'em, 

And little fleas have lesser fleas, 

And so, ad infinitum.

Anyway, I’ll get outaya way now....

Follow the blog on Twitter @Hunters_Stand

If you'd like to share this post the link to cut & paste is http://thehunterstand.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/profile-of-virtuous-pet-owner.html

For those wishing to leave comments either anonymously or under their own names (go-orn, I dares ya!), please select the 'Name/URL' option from the drop down menu beneath the comments section at the bottom of this page. You do not need to enter a URL.

If you would like to receive notifications when new posts are uploaded to the Hunters' Stand, send your name and email address to thehunterstand@gmail.com This service will not include notification of new comments. All information provided will be treated with the utmost confidentiality and discretion.