A NOTE FROM A TRANSRACIAL BOWHUNTER

So here’s Federal Environment Minister, Greg Hunt, declaring that the Australian Government does not support bowhunting because it’s cruel.

Greg 'Hunt', now there's a little gem for the irony fans.

Well good for you, Greg. You are a man of principle! Unless the hunters in question happen to be Australian Aborigines, in which case, well, not so much.

The fact is, Greg, I could care less about your position on bowhunting. I’m in the admirable position of being able to opportunistically identify with the culture of my maternal grandfather, who was a Wiradjuri man from out Mudgee way.

As a consequence, I can assert my traditional native hunting rights. This includes the capacity to take pretty-much any animal I see fit to harvest; feral and native species alike, even with one of those nasty bows you disapprove of.

I can chase a roo on my motorbike or in my 4X4, and I can shoot him with a large calibre rifle, or, I can hunt him on foot and lob a spear at the general vicinity of his vital organs. 

If I don’t kill him outright, that’s all very regrettable, but what’s one to do.

It’s culture and culture, while often imprecise, is essential...to blackfullas!

I can hunt goanna, pursuing him underground or inside a hollow, and upon reefing him out by the tail, thus dislocating major portions of his spine as he struggles uncooperatively against my efforts, I can smack his head against a handy tree...maybe a couple of times. 

Of course I can also do the same to a joey, should I come cross one in the pouch of that kangaroo I mentioned above.

That’s culture!

I can use a speedboat to chase down a green turtle and with him safely on his back in the bottom of the boat, the sun roasting his belly, I can head for shore in my own good time, to smash his head-in with a handy rock in the traditional manner.

That’s culture too!

I can also spear or shoot a dugong of course, from the bow of my outboard powered tinny, then tow him back to shore for the coup de grace, followed by a bit of traditional seaside butchery.

Isn’t culture wonderful!

Even better, you won’t see much about any of this stuff in the press or on the tele. 

The Aussie media has no interest in the persecution of blackfullas. It’s not PC and anyway, the media, like the rest of touchy-feely, oh-so enlightened, citycentric white Australia, loves its blackfullas to bits, just the way we are.

It's all about respect, Greg, respect!

The poor old abbo; he's the apex predator, Greg, at the top of his county’s food-chain and without doubt the land’s most charismatic species of native fauna.

And Greg, you have to admit, while for 50,000 years blackfullas have daubed every conceivable geological feature on the landscape with proud images of their hunting exploits, they've very rarely posted the images on Facebook or Twitter.

You have to give them that!

A blackfulla can’t help what he is or what he does. It’s in his blood and it’s important government does everything it possibly can to protect that, for the survival of the species, not to mention the tourist industry.

Sure there are shops in all but the most remote outback locations, but blackfulla hunting isn’t just about food, Greg. It’s about instinct and there ain’t no stopping instinct!

Yes, whitefullas have seen the error of their ways! Never again will they engage in the sort of unconscionable white supremacist social engineering born of cultural ignorance they were guilty of in the bad ol' days, no way!

Thank God, I can be a blackfulla!

Were I a whitefulla a whole bunch of other whitefullas - those of the morally enlightened, habitually outraged, culturally superior kind - would accuse me of cruelty if I killed a deer with my longbow, just for his meat, hide, sinew and antler...as my father did, and his father before him, and untold eons of men before them.

Many would even abuse me openly via social media, calling me a killer, a murder of innocent animals, a psychopath and so on. 

They’d make derogatory comments about the size of my penis, they'd tell me I wasn't a real man and they’d tell me what a disappoint I was to the human race, reminding me, “some of us have evolved you know!”

Government ministers would emphatically inform ABC journalists that what I do is cruel, proudly stating that the Australian Govt opposes both my culture and my tools of choice in the strongest possible terms.

In fact, as a whitefulla, my ‘tools’ would magically morph into “WEAPONS for cruelly taking innocent lives for sport” and their efficiency would be called into question in ways that just don't apply when I’m wearing my Aboriginal flag t-shirt.

Now I don’t claim to fully understand flag t-shirt magic, or black/yellow/red braided headband magic either, if I’m perfectly honest, but Greg, I do understand its awesome power enough to know this much...

Wearing the t-shirt or the headband while I kill an animal with archaic equipment, is all the difference between being a “sicko pervert who should be forced to watch his children skinned alive by a psychopath so he knows what it’s like for an animal to die”, and being a credit to my race for bravely striving against white ignorance and prejudice to preserve my precarious culture and traditions.

What I don’t understand at all, Greg, is how come whitefullas believe they’ve progressed – nay, ‘evolved’ – beyond all that cultural and racial prejudice of the bad ol' days, when all they’ve really done is changed the colour of the folks whose culture they aim to obliterate from the planet, because they neither understand nor approve of it?

Anyway, that’s enough from me. I have to pop out and drop a match in some Spinifex to burn-off a couple of thousand acres.

Now you may think it’s cruel to inflict third degree burns and an agonising death, more or less at random, on thousands of unsuspecting rodents, birds, small marsupials and reptiles, just for the sake maintaining the ecological balance, but really, Greg, they don’t mind at all. 

My lot have been doing it to 'em for eons!

No, what’s cruel, Greg, is whitefullas targeting individual feral cats with precision instruments, in an effort to prevent them eating billions of rare and endangered native rodents, marsupials, birds, amphibians and reptiles annually, all at no cost to the taxpayer – that’s what YOU call cruel?

Finally, Greg, I want to wish you the very best or luck, in all sincerity, as you search for they plethora of species-specific viruses which result in instantaneous death, that you're going to need to battle the feral menace your people introduced to my land. 

Until then, I guess you'll just have to make do with a combination of those painless professional bullets and that whitfullas' panacea, 1080, or the "Ebola of the pest control industry" as it's referred to by the vast majority of civilised nations, which, unlike Australia, banned its use long ago.

Anyway, I'll get outaya way now...

©gmallard2016 all rights reserved 

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